Why You Should Never Comment on Someone’s Food Choice
Food is something we all require, some of us may love eating and talking about food, and other people may not so much. So it’s not surprising that talking about food is quite common amongst friends, colleagues, and family. Talking about food is great, and as a student dietitian and massive foodie myself I love chatting about all things food!
But when can this become problematic..?
When the comments around food are directed at an individuals food choice, food consumption, quantity, quality, timing. Any comment passed, even when it’s not intentionally made with judgement or malice.
Some examples of comment..
“Woah you must of been hungry!”
“Is that all your eating?”
“You’re having another piece?”
“Why don’t you want some cake?”
“Maybe you should eat some vegetables?”
“Do you know carbs are really bad for us?”
“I think you should eat some more.”
“You just ate..”
“That’s not very much.”
But why are these sorts of comments problematic?
You reflect onto that person your own biases about what you constitute ‘normal’ eating behaviour.
However, normal is non existent when we talk about diet, what’s good and feels right for one person may not for another. One size does not fit all in nutrition and food choice. Therefore, it’s best never to comment on someone else’s food, even if it feels different to what you like or choose.
Triggering language.
We never know what someone else has been through or is going through. Even though food is a massive part of all our lives, and it may feel harmless persuading someone to eat cake, in actual fact it could be incredibly triggering for someone, who is struggling with their eating. Whether that is an eating disorder, some level of disordered eating, or has faced weight stigma and discrimination in their life. Commenting on food choice, amount, frequency, anything about their food could have a huge impact on them.
You perpetuate the diet cycle.
This is a concept discussed greatly in the intuitive eating framework (references to this below). One of the steps in this framework is, “challenging the food police”. This is basically talking about those arbitrary rules, that so many of us have grown up with surrounding what we eat. For example, finishing your plate before being allowed to eat dessert. Or fruit being ‘good’ and chocolate being ‘bad’. By passing comment on other people’s food, we only make working out of these frameworks even harder for us all. Even if it’s meant with the best intention. There is no right or wrong, or good or bad. We do not need to moralise food and commenting takes us very close to doing just that.
You may miss out on being present and in the moment.
Sure enjoying food with someone is a beautiful thing, and talking about our favourite foods, can be lovely. But being preoccupied with someone else’s food choices may mean we’re not really present with that person, listening to them, looking at them, enjoying the moment and tasting our own food if we’re eating too. Try to let go of what others are choosing even when it feels different. Enjoy that person for them, and shower them in love, as mentioned before we never know if meal time can be triggering for someone.
You may be reflecting your own negative relationship with food.
Similar to the first, but this time drilling down and asking yourself, why you said that? Do you often comment on the same things? What is your relationship with food like? If you are preoccupied with how others are eating there is a chance you are struggling also with your relationship with food. Reach out for help, speak to a dietitian, read some books around intuitive eating, you do not have to live by rules or manage a negative relationship with food alone.
Useful resources to help with dismantling Diet Culture
Intuitive Eating books:
Just Eat It - Laura Thomas PhD
Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works - by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole
Food Isn’t Medicine - Dr Joshua Wolrich